Kümme aastat varem - 25/10/99 - 31/10/99

ancientboy's weekly notes. 25/10/99 - 31/10/99.

Past... Why we keep hanging on to the sweet memories from our happy past? Memories from the time when we shortly had a chance to enjoy unconditional happiness, from our innocent childhood and not-so-innocent-anymore puberty? From the time which is idealized in our minds? Why we want to restore to life these days (even if we know for sure that it is too late now, that this train is gone forever) and therefore walk the same roads as then, or actually we hope to be in same places and beg our minds to let us feel in the same way again? Which will never happen of course but we'll still keep on trying, desperately, day by day and night by night, although everybody knows that the result is always nonsense, only causing another pain. We're living in the past and for the future but what happened to the moment? Where are we right now? And why we can't enjoy the one? If anybody knows, please let me know...

To the week.

Bought latest edition of Guinness on Tuesday. I thought that I can handle with one copy of this book and why not to have Millennium edition then. Sadly they didn't had free addition to this book, a sixpack of company's beer... Oh, and the most important record is about strongest alcohol, of course. If you'll dare to guess that this was product of Estonia, you're damn right!

Now you probably can imagine that everything was wrong on Wednesday when I met somebody from the past and I am really disappointed in myself, in him, in whole world, shortly: depressed. End of this story.

Later that week I accidentally found out that similar post cards and photos like in my collection, are in some places for sell with pretty high prices (up to $140!) and however I am impressed, I don't plan to sell even one of these. Just interesting fact itself.

October was pretty good month in business too, the best October so far in last 6 years but as one of my friends once said, the more money I earn, more gloomy I look like... Also I heard occasionally when one friend told to another that I'm really looking sad. I don't know, perhaps I am? Should I start with yoga?

Friday morning I got the 4 CD-s I ordered last week, they needed 10 days to cover the distance of 210 kilometres from Tallinn to my town. Marillion was packed again into digipak and I simply hate these cardboard sleeves. So I have to find another plastic box for this disc. Pet Shop Boys was even better than I expected, so for example duet with Kylie is too good to be true (heh, radio station, I'm listening, just started again with New York City boy!) and I couldn't find any weaker song. Excellent!

On Sunday I watched Tshaikovsky's "Swan's lake" from TV, the scandalous version of this ballet, directed by Matthew Bourne. Beautiful music, very sad story and men dancing in roles of swans... Two hours of bittersweet entertainment, something that touched the best hidden depths of my soul. In fact I had tears in my eyes.